Forgive The VAR Guy for looking tired and bloated. He’s packing on the pounds in the Dominican Republic at the Kaspersky Lab Partner Conference, where food is all inclusive and the restaurants never seem to close. If our resident blogger would stop eating and start blogging, he would have written the following six entries for the week ending Feb. 12, 2010.

7. Opportunity Calls: Digium, the Asterisk and open source IP PBX specialist, has launched an extreme phone makeover contest. The winning business will receive up to $10,000 worth of equipment, including Digium’s Switchvox Unified Communications system and Polycom phones. Businesses can apply at www.extremephonemakeover.com.

6. Let’s Make A Lot of Deals: Vartopia, as expected, launched a multi-vendor deal registration system. It’s a heck of a concept. But The VAR Guy wonders: Will enough technology companies join in to make the system worthwhile?

5. SaaS Switch?: Intronis, the online backup specialist, is reaching out to frustrated Mozy online storage partners, some of which seem to be tired of Mozy’s direct sales efforts.

4. Stocking Up: OptionEase, a provider of SaaS equity compensation and compliance applications, is now a Gold Certified Partner within Microsoft’s partner network. As soon as The VAR Guy gets some stock options, he’ll give OptionEase a call.

3. That Number Has Been Disconnected: Isn’t it time for Microsoft to shut down or at least update the content on the company’s Response Point website. Visit the site, and you’d never realize Microsoft unplugged Response Point in 2009.

2. Dead Exchange: As The VAR Guy hinted a few weeks ago, Red Hat has killed the Red Hat Exchange — an online software store featuring third-party applications.

1. Check the Headline: Sorry folks. This is a top 6 list, not a top 7. But check the bottom right of The VAR Guy’s website. You’ll find a fatal distraction for your weekend pleasure.